Sliver

As Deployment draws near and subsequently begins, you will see more blog posts. Lovesband does NOT like to talk about deployment AT ALL. There is a slight chance he may not go. Are you thinking "YAAAY!"? I'm not. I'll tell you why: I REFUSE to start over. I'd rather let these phases happen, and have them cut short, and be a bit lost, than to begin again, or be stuck in "maybe" land. In my mind, he IS. If he doesn't, great! I have to get used to the idea of him going, and prepare myself. Last time, there was a 75% chance he would not go- he went. I did not afford myself the opportunity to appropriately prepare. I need to be as okay as I can be with the idea of him going. I'd rather weep uncontrollably at home than in the parking-lot of his shop. If preparing can buy me those 12min, then I'm going to do it. I WILL be in a better place this deployment. I CAN do this.

Pre-Deployment #2

We never expected to do it a second time, we were told that wouldn't happen. But I have gotten pretty good at knowing one sure thing about the Military- Things change.
The upside is that it is much shorter than the last one, and this is a very humanitarian deployment. Not OEF or OIF.
The downside is that we will break even as far as money goes, he will leave less than a month after returning to support EMV (enhanced Mojave Viper) for 3 months. Also, the communication on this will be a lot less than OEF. I talked to Lovesband almost every Sunday anytime between noon and 3pm EST. There was a time we went 5 weeks with no communication. There will be no Moto-Mail.

This time, I will be at OUR home. I won't be making the mistake of moving "home" for this deployment.
This time, I have a support system (ESSENTIAL).
This time, in a Corps town, I won't feel like a leper.
Something about non-military folk knowing your Hubs is deployed makes them feel all sorry for you. I know they mean well, but it's nice for someone to talk about it with strength behind their eyes, knowing how you feel, and having a smile for you. The look in the eyes of my non-military relations just said "you poor thing".

Plus, last time, I tried so hard to have friends, and nice as I was, as willing as I was to drive all over to anywhere; people either shut me out, blew me off, or wanted me to party.
Photography, and this blog, are all that I had. And for a time, Suzanne.

This time I'll have college. And as any Milspouse can tell you, doing a SINGLE productive thing (accomplishing a shower, loading the dishwasher) can seriously make a day.

I ate Ice Cream before bed.

BFF is here!!!!! Okay, she's at the beginning of deployment, so she's in a heartwrenching place. It sucks.
I haven't had much time with her in ages.
Deployment is not fair!
I want to treat her like a brand new puppy, I've missed her so!
It's a bittersweet place to be.
Happy to see her, and spend time with her, sad to know exactly how she feels, and loathe that such a feeling exists.
Until you watch someone with 2 seabags, an ILBE pack, and your entire heart walk to a bus/plane/7 ton knowing that it's going to be for so long, in a dangerous place, with limited contact- you don't know how much your heart can ache, how everything feels off, anxiety, panic, depression. Ugh.
I hope she knows how super stoked I am to have her here, and get to spend time with her :D
She's awesomesauce.

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I Am Happy!

Things have been really good between Lovesband and I lately. A much needed end to being on the verge of killing eachother.
I haven't felt 'Me' since deployment. Even after he came back, the depression I 'caught' hung on. Here is is, 4 Months later, and I feel like a regular person. I feel... Happy!
Despite the fact that Caity will be moving into her very own home about an hour away, at the end of the month, I have hope. We have a strong friendship, and I honestly think it was meant to be!
We are supposed to see our new friend again on Tuesday!
Can you believe it's taken me 2 years as a Corps wife to gain 3 face-to-face friends? And all off of the internet!
But I'm pretty excited! A new friend! For now, she can be Friend-X. She has an ADORABLE little girl! I just want to ball her up and squish her until her chubby cheeks pop like balloons!
She seems normal, but not TOO normal.
Caity and I are... Odd.
We ate S'mores the size of an Xbox controller last night, with Ultra Jumbo marshmallows that really should have come with a One Touch Ultra. My insides had the shakes. We smeared, gagged on hot mallow, and laughed. And everyone involved was sober (for once).
That is our life. Being fun, silly, broken, responsible enough, and together.
The more, the marrier! Let's hope Friend-X and Squish-baby are compatable! Besides, she's a cool ass Michigander!
I wonder if she plays Euchre?

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Not Day 3

I don't feel like posting about day 3.
I feel like talking about deployment.
Moving home was my biggest mistake.
I wanted help.
I got 2 kids on top of my 1. 10 and 5 (if you aren't familiar with thee ages, they can both be... Trying..) along with 2 dogs on top of the 2 we have. A Father who ended up leaving only after I called the police.
Other than that, I basically curled up in a ball, and wished I was dead. Depression did not cover it. I try hard not to think of what did not have to be SUCH a difficult time. I brought it upon myself.
Man I need chapstick.
More l8r.

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It Smells Like Afghanistan

Husband got his CIF gear together for inspection.
It's been sitting in the garage since he got back from Deployment in October.
I came home from shopping, and I can just tell, his mood is... 'off'.
After 1,000 'What's Wrong?'s and 999 'Nothing's, he said 'I hate the smell of it'
It smells like Afghanistan.
He is distant. Neither mad, nor happy. Distant, and just wanted to run away and go to bed.
In fact, he complained of nausea before laying down.
It's just a him I am not used to. The smell he relates with Afganistan makes him shut-down.
Seriously, I left after recieving at LEAST 30 kisses, and giggles about how short and cute I am, to someone who won't even look at me.
He will not feel better, I am sure, until the gear is back in the garage.
Any thoughts?

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There are little bears on my feet!

A fellow Milspouse wrote a blog about being thankful. So I will, too.
Civillians do not understand this life.
When I was not a milspouse, I did not understand either. How can you comprehend what you will feel when put in situations your heart could not fathom?
Your family will not understand. They just don't.
You know who does? Another milspouse.
Erin, you've been through it all. Like, literally. Your knowledge and friendship has been priceless! I get to see you a few times a week, and I am currently getting paid for it. This is an Epic Win! You've been through everything I could go through, and you listen, and laugh with me about so much! You are wise well beyond your years!

Being a Mom and having a deployed spouse is like being tossed in a food processor. It chews you up, and spits you out, by yourself, repeatedly. I tried very hard to make friends, and until Caity, it just didn't work so well.
It's funny, I feel like, looking back, I missed Caity. Before I even knew her. To long for a friend who will stay up and watch Big Love w/you until 2am. Someone who I could have my feelings hurt by, and hurt their feeling, and love them enough to work through it, and not just drop the friendship. Someone who my husband got along with, too. Hell, he ENJOYS having Caity around! Which is new.
For a long time, I felt very alone, and like I was in a hole, where my only identity was wife, and mother.
Caity pulled my ass out of that hole. Thank, Twitter!
Now, I don't condone inviting someone you have never ever met to come live with you, but in this case, the reward is amazing.
Caity is my best friend ever. She saved me from my depression, and is indescribably the best friend ever.
I fucking Love you, Caitertot.
Oh, fuck it. I even love Kevin, too.
He's like the brother who deserves to have wedgies, but nobody else better pick on him!

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Expectations- Part Deux

This moment is hard. I assumed things would change. Or, maybe i had dissillusioned ideas of what they had been, and subsequently would continue to be. Maybe it's just today. Either way, I need to vent it out.
Oh, Erin. You're so sweet to not laugh or shake your head about my ideas of reintegration. But, it's hard to make someone understand something they have never experienced. I would have been angry, and said "you don't know US. WE are different". Hm, maybe some other couple, somewhere; not this one. We are the same. This crap is hard. And I don't like the extra opinion about the money. I love him being home, but at times, it feels like he's a wrench in my gears.
First, you're promoted to executive. You have a bumpy go of it at first. Which is to be expected. You get the hang of it, and pretty much have it figured out, and are running things somewhat smoothly, on your terms. Then WHHHHHAAAAAM!! You are CO-executives with that guy from accounting who you SO dig, but he comes in like he's all hot-shit and has 'great ideas to improve on the base you made' and shit.
In many ways he is a great help. In others, I already want to sock him in the jaw.
"I'll take over from here" is sooooo not gonna fly.
If I let it, I'll snap. And end up a hoarder.

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Tiddly-Pum.

I lay here. The room is semi-dark, or semi-light; who can say, really? I realized, talking to the cable lady, how very numb I can be sometimes. Whatever. Sure. That's Fine. Christ, where is my fire? Those are the words that come out of my mouth. Fuck, you'd hate to see me in person. I walked around the block 3 times before going to the mailboxes because I didn't want to look like an idiot shoving my various keys into every box. Yes, because circling the block, talking to a sleeping baby didn't make me look like a moron.
Not to mention that I still didn't figure out which fucking mailbox is mine. What do I care, anyway? All off our bills are viewed and payed online (via droid), and nobody is sending me a damn letter. Virtually nobody know my address. I don't do much of anything anymore. I do the same thing every-damn-day. Wake up, pee, let dogs out, coffee, breakfast, feed dogs, snacks, dogs out, lunch, nap/shower, dinner, bedtime. All while watching a cycle of borrowed movies. I have shit I NEED to get done, but I am unsure of how to do it exactly- because I have never had to. So in fear of looking like a moron, I don't do it. Which MAKES me a moron. I guess it can be attributed to being ill-suited for 'single-mom' life. That's the primary issue, being a nursing Mother, I have to take Belle everywhere with me. I have to hold her. Even if she COULD walk, she'd wander off and put crap off of the floor into her mouth.
Having to take a baby with you everywhere makes you a walking pain-in-the-ass. I have a re-deployment briefing-thingy to go to, and they are making it pretty clear that you can't bring your child. I'd REALLY like to go to this. But put in the position; I'd rather not go than leave my baby with strangers. It would be different if she was of 'playing with others' age, I'd be gone and back before she even knew it. Right now, she would probably cry the entire time.

I know he wants to come home, and be all over me all the time. Which is great and all, but part of me wants to hand him his kid, drive to Atlantic Beach, and watch the waves for an hour. I'm so tired of constantly worrying about the next thing. Constantly waiting for the next thing. Maybe if upcoming obstacles weren't so forseen, because obstacles, and money are all run my life. All the things we don't/won't have money for, all the shit we need money for. I fucking hate money. I hate that everything costs money. 'Teach a Man to fish'? but you have to buy him a license to do it.
Sometimes the bullshit of it all makes me mad enough to desire a 'roughing it' lifestyle. Sometimes.
I hate that everything in this goddamn house is fucked up. Which would bring me back to my 'Shit-I-need-to-do-but-don't' list. A random-ass leak in the hallway. Awesome.
Sometimes I think that maybe I should just go. Sometimes I feel like I do not have the right tools in my 'life tool-bag' for this. That my anger caused by a constant state of anxiety, is only going to negatively impact the lives of those around me.
I wonder if the person I want to be will ever be the person I am. Honestly, it feels impossible.
I'm going to try and sleep this mood away.

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The First Week Home.

Woah, I don't want to get ahead of myself. To really understand how VERY happy I am to be in a box filled house with shitty cell service (no sarcasm), you have to understand how FUBAR the trip, and prepping for it, was.
My Grandpa, bless his heart, means well. Oh yeah, you SO know where THAT statement is going.
I tried to tell him I did not need his help packing the trailer. I knew that it would be easier to do myself. I was right.
I thought 'I'll cram everything in the kitchen so he'll know EXACTLY what needs to go on the trailer'.
Two hours later, the trailer is tied down, and half my stuff, including HALF of the crib+parts is STILL in the kitchen.
GRRREEEEAT! So, I call my Traveling buddy (the SIL) and she says 'bring what is left over in the vehicle, and we'll pack it right.'
(the dogs were at her house to run off some energy before the trip, so the back of the exploder was empty).
I get up at 5am, and open every door to the explorer, because it's dark, and I can't see (bad, bad idea). So, 30min in to what is becoming a very failed attempt at cramming everything in my vehicle, I txt my SIL. She notices, from the tone of my text, I am having a total meltdown.
She and my BIL come over and fix it all.
And by ALL, I ALSO mean Jumpstart my vehicle because I kept all the doors open, and killed the battery :D I'm a winner.

The trip itself was pretty smooth, except the part where I got really tired, and the trees started to move and look like swimming whales.
Then we commited a misdemeanor and smuggled the Dogs into a No-dog hotel for the night. But it doesn't count, we weren't caught.
Plus, I woke up that morning with the Chills from a nice bit of Engorgement, Belle hardly nursed the entire trip. I was freezing, and woke up 1hr after falling asleep, and had a good time on the potty. I seriously considered going out in the Carolina heat in a sweater.
After all the circle running housing had me do, I had to call maint. to fix the AC. It took them hours, of course.
AND, who lables the HOT water spigot with a BLUE knob? It took them 2 days to fix the leaky washer spigots.
Plus, the couch is in the garage, and will be until Lovesband gets home to figure it into the house. And my SIL ripped one of her toenails clean off, and bled all over my carpet lol. She Cleaned it up :).
The dogs have poo'd 3 times in the house, and Belle pee'd on me RIGHT before the VTC.

Deployment, PLEASE be over.

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Movin' right along...

Tomorrow morning, I head home. I don't know what it looks like, but I do know what I get to cram in it! I am excited to BE there.
The ride, I am dreading. Small baby+long car ride= STRESSED MOMMY! plus.... the dogs....
But it's all worth it!
Soon, this deployment will be over.
He will be home, in my arms.
We will go to walmart together.

Yes, my expectations are simple.
He will drive 99% of the time (the way he likes it, can ya blame him??)
He will kill the spiders.
We will watch movies.
He will not have an end table (he is a vicious sleeper and knocks drinks off of his end table).
Put deployment behind us, we spent enough time living it, why spend all kinds of time talking about it? I know he doesn't want to.
I want to relax, be a family, get some BC and do it.
I cannot wait for my bed. I miss not being stabbed by springs.
GOODNIGHT!

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Today is AMAZING!

Can I get a sarcasm button on that? I have 3, THREE days to be 100% ready to move. I have essentially NOTHING packed. On the bright side, the Trailer is ready for the Haul.
Last night I'm all 'Tomorrow, I'm going to get my ass in gear!'.
The power has been out since about 9am, and it's now 11:20am. No toaster waffles today. No Elmo to entertain the midget. Speaking of midget, she has decided that today is Scrrreeeeeaaaam anytime Mommy is more than 2ft away.
I'm cranky, and hot. The dogs left me gifts this morning, and I am feeling very run-down and dejected.
I need to get my ass re-vamped.
I need to do laundry, and well, that's not possible.
I hate gas stoves for this reason, also.
At least I have the music on My Android, and the Mothership can charge it when needs it.
Also, I am annoyed with EVERYBODY. With the exception of Lovesband. Other than that, I AM annoyed with EVERYONE. I'll get over it, just don't be dumb enough to ask 'what did I do?', because I'll answer, and we'll never speak again.
Am I home yet?

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Mission Is FUBAR!

I'm supposed to be set and ready to get our happy asses to NC by the 15th. I have NOTHING WHATSOEVER done that will get me to this goal. Not to mention the fact that I have all kinds of crap that needs to be done to the trailer *le sigh*. From one minute to the next, I have no friggin' clue what is going on. Here's hoping that I can get shit straightened out.
I should be sleeping, but how can I sleep with so much on my mind?
I'm going to have to move past some things in my life, and be okay with some things. I just can't go on living with all thses monkeys on my back! Do you ever feel that way?
It's a lot like the moment I realized that the anger I held towards my Dad controlled me. I hated him. Not because of all he did, and all he didn't do, but because he thought everything was fine, and denied it all, or said that ALL families were that way. He will never understand the torment that he put me through. My moments of weakness. I was so angry at him for that. It consumed me. I had to let it go. There is more to live for than anger and resentment.

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A Boring-Ass Update.

The home we are getting is perfect. I just know it is. It's not the Slocum one we were supposed to get, but it has CARPET! Exactly what the Lovesband wants. Even so, I can be clichè and say that 'Any Home Is Perfect, As Long As It Is Ours'. Even if it is Government Military Base Housing, and only ours for the next 2 years.
I had a dream last night. 'Scuzband' (lovesbands not-so-loveable nickname ;) ) let his Mother live with us. Needless to say (except to him, apparently :/ ) I left him. And also found someone else. Which fits the criterion for my dreams; hint: Not Zombie Apoc. Interestingly enough, the dream was red. Everything Monochromatic REDS. I've never had a red dream before.

Next Week is crunch time.
I'm really stressed out about it.
The large reason I decided to move earlier than planned was to see Zanne. Unfortunately, that probably isn't going to happen. Which totally sucks, but I'll have lots of time to set up the house... Hey, I'm making attempts at looking on the bright side here. I wish Zanne could stay, but I know that's not an option. It sucks, A LOT.

I'm the kind of person who, if left to their thoughts, will go crazy. I used to paint. I would stay up all night and paint. Now, I don't have that option. I don't have time during the day to paint, either. I've been thinking hard about not having any more children. Ultimately, when I feel like it's time, it'll be time. Who knows when that will be. I need some time to be ME. Anyone who tells you that you can be the same person you were before you had a baby is WRONG. They must be having someone else raise their Children. When you have ALL day to yourself, you can do a lot, or do NOTHING. Somehow, these days, I don't accomplish much of either. I love being a Mommy. I love seeing her discover, and helping her learn about herself and her world. As she gains independence, so do I. I let her play with toys on her own while I tweet, or pee, or scarf down a box of Pad Thai.
Tomorrow is hanging at the Beach. I'm really stoked about it :D! Some sun, some water, and chillin' out. Makes me want a hot dog.

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Today, I ROCKED adulthood!

Yes, I am a champion. I did everything I was supposed to do today (which includes some, but not all, on the pictured list).
I don't like doing important things by myself. I get nervous about it, and feel like my uncertainty will cause people to be mean to me (like some people I know).
Today I had to do a few important things by myself. To say I was terrified is a gross understatement. I have to take Belle, which makes it 746739474% more nerve-wrecking.
But I did it, and people were VERY nice to me :).
I got the trailer weighed.
It took me 20min to back out of the driveway.
and a good 10 to turn around at the salvage yard (with people watching my serious failure).
I took the Trailer to my SIL's house.
I got the Trailer titled, registered, and plated.
And got to Olive Garden at a reasonable time.

And, if Chris and I ever split, at least I'll have a Trailer in my name I can live in. I hear you can do a lot with 6'x8'.
I feel like an Adult. Remember this when I whine about going grocery shopping by myself.

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Somebody, Punch Me.

There are days, such as today, where I am so angry. I feel so overwhelmed, and I am mad at everybody. There are days, where I am bitten, and I get so very angry. It hurts like a bitch, especially when it is your nipple.
There are days where I think she won't ever wean. And I get so frustrated because I feel like a bad parent for not transitioning her correctly. Like co-sleeping, I feel like, at this point she should be able to sleep by herself. I can't just put her in her crib to cry. I just can't. No matter how little sleep I get with her kicking me all night.

Sometimes I resent people. I feel like wifes/girlfriends who do not have children shouldn't try to relate to my feelings. Yes, deployment is hard. Deployment with child(ren) involved, I'd have to argue is harder. I don't get a break. Yeah, my child looks happy and fun in public, but she's a baby; there are times that she is not happy. Fact of life.
Sometimes, I think people like to wallow in their 'issues'.
I think a lot of people use illnesses as a cop-out.
You know who doesn't, My Mom. She has RA and works her ass off.
I get really pissed off when I want to be left alone, and then people badger the shit out of me. Sometimes, I just need to be left alone. Seriously. No, you self-centered prick, it isn't about YOU!
But no, I don't have any problems. And if I did, everyone else would have larger problems. More important/Serious problems.
Fuck Problems. That's life. Get over it.
I'm done.

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VIETNAM!

If you don't know about my MIL, she cannot be summed up into simple terms. She's a crazy bitch. Oh, maybe she can be.
Currently, we are not on speaking terms. I have been waiting years for that. She FINALLY pissed of my Lovesband enough to his breaking point. If you don't know my Lovesband, he tolerates A LOT, he could even be called a push-over at times. It also goes to show how low this woman will sink; "We've all seen enough pictures of Annabelle, and your wife need to grow up and learn how to be a mother".
Since the deployment, they have tried to worm their way back in, sans apology. Which is not gonna fly. They have been sending Lovesband Motomail, and 'care' packages. The first one was full of cigarettes. My Husband is a non-smoker. He tried to give them away, nobody wanted them. Yes, NO marine wanted them. They must have been shit.
So after that useless Box-O-Shit, she sends him another. What could be worse than shitty cigarettes? TOILET PAPER! Lovesbands words: "She must think I'm in Vietnam...".
Honestly, we just try to ignore them, and sometimes that works. Other times they claim that they are "worried". Whatever that means, I just know it doesn't really mean "worried". But then they threaten to come around. So, when Lovesband is back stateside, we'll ignore them until we actually have to tell them to 'fuck-off'.
If they ever came to NC, we would end up having to pay for them to get home, for them to eat while they were here, for their 4 kids to eat here, on the way home, and probably be talked into groceries after they got home. Oh, yes. I DO know this from experience- Our Wedding. But that Disaster is another post ENTIRELY. Long story short, We paid for them to drive a diesel truck from Michigan to Oklahoma.
As far as they are concerned, everybody owes them something. They make sure of it. I know they spent money on the care packages, which means the kids probably didn't eat that week. Just like when they sent me flowers for my birthday. Sure, it SOUNDS sweet, but 'Thank You' isn't enough, you then OWE them because they chose not to feed the family so you could have this kind gesture.. this kind booby-trapped gesture. Then, when they need money for bills, you OWE them. Which is fine, except they live off the government due to laziness. They spend their money on trivial things, and blow it in a day.
Anyway, that's the short version of it all...lol. I'm sure there will be more later.

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My Price For Freedom 1

I've had a pretty rough month. And I am glad to have overcome it. Sometimes things do not turn out the way you expect them to, but you really must remember; the cake may have landed frosting-side-down, but it will taste the same. Yeah, what I really mean is: just because a situation didn't turn out the way you planned, doesn't mean you can't salvage, and possibly flourish from it. All things are lessons.
I am very excited to be going home is about 20days. I don't EXACTLY know what 'home' looks like, but I DO know that, once I put all of our belongings in it, and once he is there to share it with me, it is going to be as 'home' as it gets. Without him by my side, every place feels strange. I feel strange. I feel that I haven't 'adapted' to being a 'single mom' (which is how us Military spouses end up during deployment). I have survived, and continue to, but it's a catastropic avalanche- constantly. I think a single Mom may have it easier in some ways (I could be way off base). I am constantly waiting for him, a man who WANTS to be home, who WANTS to change diapers, who is willing and excited to be an equal (if not more) parent. I don't know if not expecting anyone to come and help makes thriving on your own easier, knowing that there isn't a defined end to being a single parent.
This is my first deployment. I don't think I have met ANY spouse who likes deployment. Sure, it has its perks, but if you love your marine/soldier/airman/guardsmen ect. to stand by him through these times, then you also love them so deeply that you hate to watch them go *cue 'leaving on a jetplane'*. Deployment is torment.
On a political note, I am VERY thankful for those who sport flags, and yellow ribbons, and who pray for my Lovesband, and other service members and their families. I am glad that there are civilians out there who understand the cost that families like ours pay (and the life cost others pay). It helps. At least as far as I am concerned. No, you don't know what it is like, but you know that. You tell me you 'can't imagine what that must be like', and I am glad you don't ever have to. If the people who decided to go to war, were the people who actually had to go, or the families who had to watch them go; we would be more frugal.
Honestly, my almost 10 month-old daughter has no idea who her Daddy is. He left when she was 5months and 10days. She will be about 1year when he gets home. At this point, he will have been gone longer than she has been alive. This is the case for MANY families.
This is the price of freedom; Her terrified face, when all he wants to do is hug his little girl (who is his whole world).
I wish I could give him a welcome home with a baby who reaches up and squeals 'da-da!', but I can't.
That's okay. She is young, and he's an amazing father. Soon, she'll be his leg-leech, and not mine.
Military families adapt and overcome, we have to.
To those who understand, and those who know they don't- Thank You!
(by the way, That is my 'this deployment is exhausting' face)

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That's A Stupid Question.

Look, I made my blog pretty for you!
I did it today, because My Mom plans to take the laptop away for the weekend. It's HER laptop, and I can do all of the important stuff from my phone. Plus, I really need to get a macbook anyway. I'm mostly waiting until Husband gets home, though I have already gotten the 'go-ahead' on getting one. But that would mostly liquidate the savings account ^_^. I'm horrible and have spent most all of the deployment money, just like I said I wouldn't.
Today I got ALL of the housing information faxed to where it needed to be. yay. I think I told you that already. Did I also tell you that the estimated move date is September 1st? Well, it is. Then I get to go home to good 'ole Cherry Point! I like having a place of my own. I like knowing that nobody is going to bitch at me. I'm an adult. I guess.
It's funny how it all happened. Maybe it was the way I was raised. Suddenly, I looked around, and I needed a bank account. Because I had a job, and I needed to hide money from myself. I find that, most places are helpful. They WANT your business. I know enough to know when I need help though. I'm a female. When it comes to a car or fridge, all I think is "Ooooh, pretty!". Washer and dryer, on the other hand "How long does it take? How quiet is it, what are the settings? How much water does it use? Front or top loader? Can I fit my comforter in here?"
This shows you how tired I am. I am writing about laundry. Of course, it highlights the fact that, whether I like it or not, I am in the full blown throes of adulthood. What a bummer.

I guess I don't do everything like an adult. Maybe it's just me fighting it tooth and nail. SEE! Only adults use old-people terms like that! (Erin is going to kill me if she ever makes it on here, I think I have heard her say that). If I were any kind of adult, I would be sleeping, knowing that my child will be up in 6 hours or less. I LOVE SLEEP!

Tomorrow, I will NOT shower (unless Jill calls, or someone else in MI-which isn't going to happen) I will NOT get 'dressed'. I'll probably make some Iced Tea (yeah, sweetened! Diabetic Coma here-I-Come!) Watch movies with Belle, and wish Death on the Dags. Oh, and laugh about Suzanne shaving her brows off. Good thing she doesn't read this either. I might brush my teeth. I'll probably remember what I planned to blog about today. I forgot due to tiredness. I keep having to backspace all over this poor thing, and it looks like dirt anyway.

I Stalk. Bad. And maybe I'll take all my belongings, and just wait there.

Before I go 2

I am also going to be glad to be as.far.away.as.possible from some issues that happen to be homebased here in Michigan. I am also very lucky to be leaving before it gets cold here. I miss sweet North Carolina! I miss the palm trees, the rain, the ocean, Erin, Zanne, Dr. Rule (our pediatrician), I even miss the screaming sound of harriers over-head.
Most of all, I miss my Marine. The day he left, he went to the store, and brought me home a dozen roses. Sometimes it seems like so long ago, othertimes it seems like yesterday. I know we'll have a new place, and though we have the same stuff, it will be in different rooms, facing. a different way. Even though I hated Nugent Cove, our first set-up will always hold a place in my heart. Years from now, my memory of it will fade, and it will be harder to remember. But it was the first place we brought our baby girl. Her first nursery. To an extent, it is the same adventure, and then again, it is a very new one.

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