Pre-Deployment #2

We never expected to do it a second time, we were told that wouldn't happen. But I have gotten pretty good at knowing one sure thing about the Military- Things change.
The upside is that it is much shorter than the last one, and this is a very humanitarian deployment. Not OEF or OIF.
The downside is that we will break even as far as money goes, he will leave less than a month after returning to support EMV (enhanced Mojave Viper) for 3 months. Also, the communication on this will be a lot less than OEF. I talked to Lovesband almost every Sunday anytime between noon and 3pm EST. There was a time we went 5 weeks with no communication. There will be no Moto-Mail.

This time, I will be at OUR home. I won't be making the mistake of moving "home" for this deployment.
This time, I have a support system (ESSENTIAL).
This time, in a Corps town, I won't feel like a leper.
Something about non-military folk knowing your Hubs is deployed makes them feel all sorry for you. I know they mean well, but it's nice for someone to talk about it with strength behind their eyes, knowing how you feel, and having a smile for you. The look in the eyes of my non-military relations just said "you poor thing".

Plus, last time, I tried so hard to have friends, and nice as I was, as willing as I was to drive all over to anywhere; people either shut me out, blew me off, or wanted me to party.
Photography, and this blog, are all that I had. And for a time, Suzanne.

This time I'll have college. And as any Milspouse can tell you, doing a SINGLE productive thing (accomplishing a shower, loading the dishwasher) can seriously make a day.

DIY Life Edition.

Scuzband says we have passed the time to reenlist. It used to be that you could do so until the day of. Now, it is much harder. My Mom said "They need Soldiers, maybe they'll give him more time" 1) Seriously, Mom?! He's not a Soldier. For the 4,563,453rd time. Nothing wrong with being a Soldier, but he is a Marine. Has been for almost 2.5yrs. (Not counting boot camp). 2) No, they don't. They don't need more. They need 22,000 less. 3) He will not so much as utter a "Maybe" on that subject. Never ever. "Maybe the economy will pick up by then" 1) What?! How in the hell is that going to happen? Is the inflation fairy going to sprinkle magic dust? In 1yr the Economy will be better? I love you, but an economist you are not. 2) Like that will even matter. Neither of us are qualified to do anything. Oh, I can wait tables and work retail. He can be a crew leader at a fast food joint. Sweet. That will get us health-care. That'll pay the bills. Fuck your $300 bike. It's now broken. We also paid $20 to have someone 'tune it in' for you to use it 10times. How long have I been bugging you about college? Huh? I planned to go to college before, I waited for you. Then you joined the Marine Corps, didn't want to marry me. I took you back, I followed you here. I went through a deployment as a solo-parent. You were supposed to be leading us to a better life. I followed you, believing that you were newly motivated to give us the life I thought we dreamed of. Set backs. These are set backs? No. You've had a long fucking time to figure out a goddamned plan, and execute it. You have not. You are your own set back. You will not set your family back. I have to do this on my own. I have to make my own money, figure out college for myself. I want to provide for my daughter. I want to keep my dog. I don't need the 'finer things' in life, but I'd like to afford clothes for Belle off of the sales rack at TJMAXX. I want her to go to school with a nice backpack, and the supplies she will need. I want to be able to take her to the Zoo sometimes. I know it's aa long road. But it would really help if you would get in the fucking car.

Mooove over, buddy.

I've only ever liked one roomie out of the 3 Lovesband and I have experienced for an extended period of time. I hear that women sometimes get catty, and that can cause problems, honestly, BFF was the best roomie ever. EVER. We lived together, and are STILL BMFFF. That should say something. Maybe it's the mindset. Women (esp. married ones) like to keep a decent home. We run it, it is ours. We are used to shit being done the way we do it, help is only okay when it is done the way that we usually have it done, otherwise it's a pain. For example- if all of the things in your kitchen are suddenly in new places, if your cups are put away upright, if things are melted in the dishwasher, if your laundry is in rumpled piles, your fridge is stockpiled with beer, your microwave smells like Taiwainese farts (and so does everything you cook in it), Your furniture is wet and smells of beer (often)... just to name a few. BFF and I didn't/don't always get along, but we love and respect eachother. Something that, at times, has taken some work and pain honing in correctly; so we get over those things, tweet, and make up. The male roomies we have had generally have no respect for anyone what-so-ever. Hell, not even themselves. I'm tired of it. Each day is like putting my head in a blender. I get that men are forgetful, that isn't the problem. "Hey, there were a bunch of cans in the trash, I rinsed them out for recycling" What SHOULD have happened "Oh, sorry! I forgot" (no biggie) What Happened "Why?" "Because we recycle" "Yeah, but you didn't have to dig them out" "Yes, I did. What else was I going to do?" "Leave them there" This happens with EVERYTHING!!!! Seriously, everything. It's a headache. From Motorcycle safety, to beer taste, to facts, EVERYTHING is some kind of debate. The worst part is that we can never just drop it, he has to bug, like it's going to solve something. IT NEVER DOES! Lately, I just ignore him. I don't answer his planted questions. They are ALL planted. "How should I start an essay?" "I usually start with a relevant quote" "Fuck that, I don't want to look shit up, this essay is stupid, why write an essay about why I want to continue my education?" Seriously? YOU ASKED! Now you want to argue? Ugh. So, he's moving back to the barracks. I am hoping it eases the friendship. I do want to remain friends, and have him over often. DH feels bad, and I don't. I feel disrespected, and this is the second place he's been that hasn't worked out for him. Most of all, I am tired of worrying about his irresponsible behavior. Getting trashed by himself on a Monday night, Driving his motorcycle after a few beers (and with little PPE). I worry too much to watch the downward spiral. I'll be glad for the calm. I've come to the conclusion that I don't much like people. Usually they are ignorant, self-centered, malevolent, rude, or all of the above. I'm going to have to be happy as a hermit. I expect decency out of people. That is far too much.

BUSY BUSY BUSY!

It has been some time since I have put a post on here!
Sorry, folks! We've been VERY busy, and recently, the whole house is sick. Even the dog is vomiting all over.
I had the inlaws here for a week,  and it was a BLAST!
Let me explain the Inlaws. Legally, and by blood, they are not related to Lovesband.
They used to be.
His Mother is a whore.
Oh, you probably want better explanation. heh.
She married the father of the gals we now consider his sisters. She was married to them for about 12 years. So, to Lovesband, they are his sisters. We don't speak to his Mother, so they are all he has.
In life, you CAN choose your family. His Mother was so toxic, we had to get her out of our lives. I digress, here are some photos.

This is a beam from the Twin Towers

This is the Beirut Memorial in Jacksonville, NC 

This is actually the 4th of July, what an awesome day to see this!

(We went with Coco on Memorial Day, also)

We went to see the Fireworks on Camp Lejeune! They had The Jane Deer Girls! They opened for the

2mar div band, which was AMAZING!

(Coco witnessed her first Colors)

We went to the Aquarium at Pine Knoll shores on Toothy Tuesday!

We LOVE this Aquarium, and the Inlaws loved it, too!

This was SIL's LEAST favorite exhibit! 

(The snakes) 

Yeah, I had to. 

We're a little blurry, but it's Belle and I!

We went to the park, it was probably 95F with humidity.

Kiddos still had a BLAST!

I tried to keep them well entertained!

They are such great people!

And Belle LOVES her cousins!

But Uncle J SOOO was not getting a kiss.

<3 So sweet!

Keeping them hydrated, of course!

So, after the Inlaws left, we had an inappropriate birthday for Coco <3 

And we made a Facebook and Youtube for our unconventional family- The PeBolBakken's.

Which is a mix of 3 last names. 

There are, in fact, pictures.

All my ducks in a row <3

Kurt has a BEEEG BOOOOSH!

I didn't know Coco was behind me LOL

Ahh, Family Photo out by the "Rape Spot"

Secret Lovers <3

#Heterosexuallifepartners

FRAMILYYY!

To Dispose of the body. I mean...

Yeah. It was an AWESOME week <3

Tell Me.

I firmly believe (more and more daily, now that I am a Milspouse), that you need to put yourself in the shoes of others. It's a whole lot easier to see intent, when you do that.
Something that may hurt you, or seem stupid, may not have been borne from feelings or intent to hurt.
It breaks my heart when people take something I do in a way I don't intend. Even moreso when it has to do with something that I don't know about.
I want to be someone that people can say "I know you didn't mean to upset me, but ________________, upsets me"
I don't WANT to upset people. Especially those I care so ver much about. I want to make those people smile, and laugh.
I want to be somebody that the people I am close with can share feelings with.
I am not yet this person. I need to be this person.

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Aye, Ma'am

Motor-T doesn't like me. Lovesband says it's mostly because they don't like the FRO. They don't like the FRO because, apparently they don't like their wives knowing things. They also dislike me because nobody was saying anything about someone who claimed to be sleeping with another Marine's wife, and I said something about it. So now they are afraid of me.
Seriously?
It's not like I'm going to tattle about everything, but some things (like sleeping with another Marine's wife) are a pretty big deal.
I also don't understand why Marines get pissed off that the FRO is giving their wives information. It's the same information the Marines are given.
This stuff is pretty discouraging. I'd like to help develop some sort of comraderie with the company. As far as I can tell, everyone mostly keeps to themselves. I don't know if it's because they choose to, or because they don't know where to start.
We've been here 2 years, and I still hardly know anyone in the Company.
I just feel unlikeable these days, and so socially awkward.
I don't know if the Marines I talked to this morning were nice because they enjoyed talking to me, or because they felt they had to be.
Someone get me some Xanax.

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I ate Ice Cream before bed.

BFF is here!!!!! Okay, she's at the beginning of deployment, so she's in a heartwrenching place. It sucks.
I haven't had much time with her in ages.
Deployment is not fair!
I want to treat her like a brand new puppy, I've missed her so!
It's a bittersweet place to be.
Happy to see her, and spend time with her, sad to know exactly how she feels, and loathe that such a feeling exists.
Until you watch someone with 2 seabags, an ILBE pack, and your entire heart walk to a bus/plane/7 ton knowing that it's going to be for so long, in a dangerous place, with limited contact- you don't know how much your heart can ache, how everything feels off, anxiety, panic, depression. Ugh.
I hope she knows how super stoked I am to have her here, and get to spend time with her :D
She's awesomesauce.

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I'm fuming.

Over dishes.
You know what really pisses me off?
I'll tell you.
When the dishes are done wrong. Or when people take my clothes out of the dryer and put them somewhere random in a rumpled pile, or put that pile on top of the dirty clothes hamper.
I don't see where; putting the small spoons with the small spoons, the cookware with the cookware (and so on) is so hard?
Not looking at what comes out of the dishwasher and therefore putting disgusting things where the clean things go- or rather spinning in a circle and tossing them in whatever cupboard or drawer they land in.
How about when you tell people to STOP overloading the dishwasher?
"Nothing in here is really clean, even though it ran"
"That's probably because it was overloaded"
"Ok, I'm going to run it again, and put more stuff in it"
YES, that seems like the right idea!
ACTUAL conversation. I shit you not.
I mean, I have LITERALLY asked you to stop helping altogether.
I'd rather have no help at all, than end up with twice the work, and serious disappointment when I look in the drawer for the flippy-do thing that I use for flipping eggs and pancakes whose name escapes me, and it is STILL caked with Scrapple!
Then, I have to wash it, and my egg ends up overdone. Not that I am seriously particular, but it never hurts to have a good egg day.
Currently I am gulping coffee. I had the luxury of making that myself, sometimes Buddy ends up making it. 4 cups of water+ 4 scoops of grounds= $%(#%@&%^^")@^(%$&(#&%!!!!!!!!!
That is called a K Pot. K is BFF's Husband, and has an affinity for Starbucks coffee made at heart attack strength.
We are on day 2 without a shower, but I am going to shower before Lovesband gets home. I really am.
We have a lot of 'Gone' coming up, so this house needs to get clean so that it can function with 1 person living in a 3 bedroom 2.5 bathroom town home. We're getting there, and we actually (Lovesband and I) work well cleaning together. Buddy and I on the other hand...... It's stabtastic.

But these are some nice pictures from the Air Show at New River! AWESOME time!!!!!

Updates!

It was a lovely weekend with Lovesband. We went to the air show and had an awesome time! I touched a plane  and helicopter for the very first time! I got a funnel cake, which is always a win!
He's been super affectionate, sweet, and we've done all sorts of things together this weekend!
I even got a basil plant!
You might not know it, but I have a deep obsession with basil. I could eat it on anything, or all by itself. We planted our tomato plants, weeded our garden, and watched No Strings Attached.
Shortly, we will watch The Green Hornet! yaaaay!
Most of this week will be spent cleaning the house (MUCH needed).
OH! Fun fact- to plant my daffodil I used an E-tool... Yeah, you know you're a Milspouse when...

Speaking of-
I really hate that my blog is full of a lot of negativity, but it just seems to pop up.
I could be a hermit. It seems I meet very few awesome people with normal lives.
For the most part, people are either dependasaurasus, or are faking a "perfect marriage".
I think they equally nauseate me. "I need people to believe I have "Made it" in life, what will I do if everything falls apart?!" People would rather hate each other than go through a Divorce.

I'm trying to make a calender for the squadron events, and it is quite complicated. I may have to start over.
The Fro doesn't like the way it looks. I want it to be perfect. Ugh. It's not that she said she doesn't, she said "Can you send it to me in a format that I can edit?"
Yeah, if you have paintshop.

Belle had her Overdue 18mo appt.
My goodness. This child is 2'9"!!!!!!!
WOW! One day, I'll look up at her after she walks across a graduation stage.
She's surpassing all over her milestones!

We've also been looking into moving out in town. Lovesband is SO on the fence about it. It's really a good deal, but it not having a garage seems to be a kill point for him. Honestly, you can't find an apartment for the price of this 3br 2ba home with a huuuuuuuuge backyard. We were supposed to give an answer today. We are trying to save money, but Lovesband seems concerned about utilities. The math says we can save money.
Of course, that is moving everything we own AGAIN, which I did...oh... 8 mo ago. Then 6 mo before that. Then 6mo before that. THEN 6 MONTHS BEFORE THAT! Oh, and theeennnnnn.... wait for it..... 6-MONTHS-BEFORE-THAT!
Seriously. Honest to God. Moving every 2 years really wouldn't be so bad.
I know many a Milspouse talk about getting stir crazy. Can I? We don't even ever have time to get settled!
We still have boxes in the garage.


OOOOOHHHHHHHH, Time for Green Hornet!

*TMI- Bush

Fuck it.
I took a nice relaxing bath today, and during such, I noticed that my yard needed maintaining.
I generally keep it 'neat' and what one would call a 'landing strip'.
So, I meticulously shaved, AWWWL up around there. Nice and neat.
Soft to the touch, and inviting.
For what? My flightline is rarely ever used. Nobody is landing on the strip.
Honestly, until bikini time, taking the time to maintain a ne'er used area, and dealing with occassional razor burn and ingrown hairs, is soo a waste of my time.
Seriously. I know there are women whose husbands are deployed and just wish to have him next to them, sex or not.
But something is wrong with me.
I'm horny ALL the time!
And I live on a Marine Corps base. Switching to deserts soon.
So my appitite is going to exceed what it is now, which is already difficult to satiate.
My vagina is going on strike. I'm not working on the merkin until I get some regular.
Or the vibrator I've been asking for, which is not seen as 'important'.
But 'tuning in' a Mt.Bike is.
And the vibrator doesn't need a lovely landing strip.
You know, Hubs always wanted me to grow my hair out.
Of course, I am well aware I've taken that out of context.
This is why Kurt doesn't keep up with my blog.
Smart guy.
Sorry about your eyes, readers :/

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MVM: Most Valuable Milspouse Award!

This award was originated by Shannon at Eat, Pray, Love....LIVE! I received it from My BFF Coco at I R Grunt Wife. So, without further ado, 

THE RECIPIENTS ARE....

1. Coco! She writes at I R GRUNT WIFE. Which I previously linked, and refuse to link again. She's pretty TOTALLY awesome! She's currently facing her first deployment, and is in the same place I was. She's a great friend, and asks questions at the end of her blog, despite my thinking it looks like an article. (@xcowsgowoof)
2. Mrs.Flyboy over at Trying Our Best! She hosts many a swap, and giveaway! She's a lovely Marine Spouse who wrestles 3 lovely boys ALL-ON-HER-OWN on a daily basis. Sucks for her, but the story about the TP crammed down the pee filled toilet made me feel a bit better about my day. (@Mrs_Flyboy)
3. Erin at Many Kind Regards! I'd like to take this time to mention how much I hate PCSing taking my friends away. She was Marine Corps spouse of the year in 2010? was it 2010? Anyway, she's been a BOAT LOAD of information, support, and laughs! She writes for Milspouse Mag, so you know she's good! (@ManyKindRegards)

And that's it.

You're supposed to pick 5, but 3 is all I have. Should you be on here? Tell me where your blog is, and I'll stalk the hell out of it!

So, to make up for it, here is a fun picture.

Valentine 2- To you!

On Valentine's Day, there are so many who do not have their loved one. Some are on field ops, some are stationed far away, some are deployed, and some just never came home.
When you bitch about your man not doing something romantic enough for you, maybe he bought you carnations instead of roses, or didn't take you EXACTLY where you wanted, just remember; there is someone, somewhere, who wished for as much as a phone call, and for whatever reason, didn't get it. Someone, somewhere got a 30min phone call, or an e-mail, or at most a video chat.
Just something to remember.
I am grateful my husband is home for VD, and I thank the Spouses whose service members are deployed, so that mine is home, snoring, next to me.

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OoRah.

The Marine Corps has a very IN YOUR FACE (as with everything they do except recruiter honesty) way of showing you things about life.
Things that were, things that might someday be. People going through their 1st deployment, people going through their 7th.
At first, you feel so different. Like your relationship is so different. Your world is different. And then you find, that it's really not.
Any GOOD Military Spouse loves their servicemember as you do yours. No, many a good marriage does not make it, but it takes some kind of dedication to stand by someone while they are away that long. To be a single parent. A internally terrified woman. A shoulder to every member of your family.
Then you find sisterhood. Friends. People you can REALLY relate to.
Nothing shows you how different Military life is than family dealing with deployment.
It's like the things your Mother tells you. No, that's not you. I would never. No way. Uh huh. It will be you.
You never believe it until you're there.
What? Why would I WANT him to leave?!
Because waiting for that horrible day when you say goodbye is worse than watching him walk away with all of his gear.
Seeing friends who've done it many times.
Now knowing 'it could be us'. We said 1 enlistment.
And now, we are seriously considering a 2nd. And you know what that means...

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I Am Happy!

Things have been really good between Lovesband and I lately. A much needed end to being on the verge of killing eachother.
I haven't felt 'Me' since deployment. Even after he came back, the depression I 'caught' hung on. Here is is, 4 Months later, and I feel like a regular person. I feel... Happy!
Despite the fact that Caity will be moving into her very own home about an hour away, at the end of the month, I have hope. We have a strong friendship, and I honestly think it was meant to be!
We are supposed to see our new friend again on Tuesday!
Can you believe it's taken me 2 years as a Corps wife to gain 3 face-to-face friends? And all off of the internet!
But I'm pretty excited! A new friend! For now, she can be Friend-X. She has an ADORABLE little girl! I just want to ball her up and squish her until her chubby cheeks pop like balloons!
She seems normal, but not TOO normal.
Caity and I are... Odd.
We ate S'mores the size of an Xbox controller last night, with Ultra Jumbo marshmallows that really should have come with a One Touch Ultra. My insides had the shakes. We smeared, gagged on hot mallow, and laughed. And everyone involved was sober (for once).
That is our life. Being fun, silly, broken, responsible enough, and together.
The more, the marrier! Let's hope Friend-X and Squish-baby are compatable! Besides, she's a cool ass Michigander!
I wonder if she plays Euchre?

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State Of The Union.

I love how heavily a vast amount of this country have judged our President.
I understand that change isn't coming as quickly as we all hoped.
Seriously, I think we can come down from our Starbucks (crack) binge, and stop shaking like a highschooler waiting for the bell to ring.
Honestly, we should all know that these things, with so many opinions, take time.
Pbeople want to argue about what the focus should be. 'Why Focus on DADT when the economy is so bad?'
Because this is America, and happy people spend money. People deserve the right to be who they are, just like any serving heterosexual.
No, it's not going to be easy, they will face troubles like African Americans, and Women. But this is the land of freedom and opportunity for ALL, and we will make it!
I digress.
Our President is working hard to make a government that works for its people. Reforming so average Joe can understand his taxes. So nobody goes without healthcare, even with a pre-existing condition.
Personally, I have to stand by someone who has SO much to accomplish, and is working diligently to complete what is set before him by our expectations.
There is so much to do, and obviously, he will not settle on what some people find to be 'key issues'. Which I believe are only there to divert our attention off of their fears.
A President who is concerned with bettering AMERICA, focusing on a country so in need of work, and willing to work hard for the people. Cutting out earmarks. Pushing for energy independence.
I believe we can come to an agreement that does what America needs, and pleases both sides.
That is what our President wants. It is what America needs.

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Not Day 3

I don't feel like posting about day 3.
I feel like talking about deployment.
Moving home was my biggest mistake.
I wanted help.
I got 2 kids on top of my 1. 10 and 5 (if you aren't familiar with thee ages, they can both be... Trying..) along with 2 dogs on top of the 2 we have. A Father who ended up leaving only after I called the police.
Other than that, I basically curled up in a ball, and wished I was dead. Depression did not cover it. I try hard not to think of what did not have to be SUCH a difficult time. I brought it upon myself.
Man I need chapstick.
More l8r.

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OPSEC/PERSEC

Last night on Twitter, a friend mention when her Husband is deploying.
Someone that she knows tried to remind her of OPSEC/PERSEC
Which made me beg the question-
Can you inform someone of possibly 'saying too much' with out sounding like a douche?
@Manykindregards says 'no'
Even if you never said When and Where, a lot can be assumed.
*At That time, YOU will probably be all by yourself.
*Did You list where you're stationed? So they know when, and where from. They can find all units on that station, lets hope nobody knows the exact unit, or exact place, and mentions it online.
Because then, he may never get there.
I didn't know a lot about OPSEC and thought, I didn't say THAT much..
But now that I am SEVERELY stalked by my MIL, as if she were some kind of terrorist, I REALLY watch what I say. Because I'd rather she not know anything about my life.
Unfortunately, people WANT to harm your Husband.
It's YOUR job to be careful what information you are putting out there.

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It Smells Like Afghanistan

Husband got his CIF gear together for inspection.
It's been sitting in the garage since he got back from Deployment in October.
I came home from shopping, and I can just tell, his mood is... 'off'.
After 1,000 'What's Wrong?'s and 999 'Nothing's, he said 'I hate the smell of it'
It smells like Afghanistan.
He is distant. Neither mad, nor happy. Distant, and just wanted to run away and go to bed.
In fact, he complained of nausea before laying down.
It's just a him I am not used to. The smell he relates with Afganistan makes him shut-down.
Seriously, I left after recieving at LEAST 30 kisses, and giggles about how short and cute I am, to someone who won't even look at me.
He will not feel better, I am sure, until the gear is back in the garage.
Any thoughts?

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Sometimes, I Think WAY Too Much.

During a recent, and exactly unvalidated, pregnancy scare, Lovesband said this:
"God, then I'll be in the Marine Corps forever"
Obviously, he is not enthused by such a notion.
Me? I am terrified of life outside of The Corps.
I knew my husband WELL before the Corps. Which, I might add, ended up being an "Oh, BTW" sort of choice.
As I knew/know him outside/before The Corps, he's a lazy do-nothing let-everyone-solve-your-issues-for-you kind of fellah.
I don't see where my fear of 'going back' to that is too radical.

I also got to thinking about the life that civi. Life would deny me.
I almost resent Lovesband at times. I understand that he has LOATHED every place the Marine Corps has so graciously shipped him.. Buuut, that ocean, I've never seen the other side of it.
Hell, I've never even been in a room where most of the people spoke a different language than I, not even when I waitressed.
I'd like the opportunity to see the country, if not the world.
And another point I'd like to make-
The Marine Corps was not OUR decision. It was HIS, and I followed.
I feel like I should have a say in reenlistment.
I asked him ALL last year to LAT move, but of course, he won't/Didn't.
Doesn't want to PCS.
Nothin'.
Just OUT. To what?!
School? So you can drag me to Virgina Beach for mechanics school?!
I'm REAL thrilled.
>_<.

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Dear Friend.

You have done so much for me.
It seems as though you belong here, and not like you are 'living here for free'.
I know, someday soon, you and your Marine (perhaps just you andd POA) will move in to your very own home an hour away.
It will be like losing an arm.
Friend. Best Friend.
We do not always agree, or get along. But neither do The Husband and I.
It is a part of life. And a part that I will gladly weather, so long as it ensures you are always my friend.
I enjoy your company so entirely. Silence while watching Mama Mirabelle, but just knowing I have you around is the most homosexual piece of blog that has ever come out of my fingers.
You just need to understand how very much your friendship means to me.
That, at the bottom of my strange little heart, I fully believe God means for us to be friends. We both took a leap of faith, and here we are.

I know that, someday soon, K. Will deploy.
I know you will want to bear the pain, anger, sadness, and eating, alone.
I know you will want to look like many wives that you see, who seem to have it all together.
I know reaching out will feel like weakness, and failure.
I know that, though I ask, and prod, and poke, and bother, you will not tell me how you hurt inside.
I'm here to tell you- Bottling it up will drive you mad.
Trying to bear those burdens alone will only make you feel more alone.
And the wives who seem so tough at the PX? They cry themselves to sleep many a night, just like the rest of us.
I Love You. I want you to know that I WANT you to call me at 2am because you can't sleep, you're sad, and anxiety is going to eat you alive. I want you to let me share the burden of sadness, pain, and eating, with you. Please.
I know the thought is hard. But if you feel like you can trust me (and you can), know that I am here for you. In weak time, strong times, eating times, and everything inbetween.
You're my Heterosexual Life Partner.
I.Am.Here.For.You.
"Lean On me, when you're not strong. I'll be your friend"

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