I've been contemplating masturbation. I know. It's more than that, though. Let me tell you, 3lbs will do a TON for ones self esteem. I am not a size 6, which is twice what I was at 17. I didn't feel sexy at 17 for who knows what reason, maybe it was how I grew up, maybe it's just how most teenagers who had an awkward phase tend to be. Nevertheless, I look at my hips, my waist, and sometimes even my breasts and think "Wow". Mind you, this is not every day, and maybe particularly today because I'm ovulating. In general, I find myself to be sexy, alluring, and generally desireable in a nearly plus sized way (which is the sexiest, if you ask me). I need something. Watching Mad Men makes me consider smoking, but I don't think I ever could, for a variety of reasons, most of all being the smell. Plus, I've got a leech of a pretty daughter right now, which really leaves my only alone time being when I shower, and not always then. I'm cranky, I'm stressed, and I'm on the edge. I know of only one way to find relief, and I am going to have to do it myself. I'm probably going to have to find an online tutorial. I know, I've talked about this before, but going on 4 days is honestly more than I can bear. I may be a married woman, but I am almost 22, and I've got a lot of fire, and nobody is putting out the flame. I've got a Pin-board (pinterest) completely dedicated to Ryan Reynolds, and sometimes he slips into my 'Delicious' board, which is obviously still applicable. At this point, I'd get a job to pay for personal toys. I've got all these fantasies in my head, they leak into my dreams, and I wake up more frustrated than ever. And sometimes they include Ryan Reynolds, and sometimes people that make it uncomfortable (in my head) to see.