So, I put together some homemade ant repellant. We bought ant "traps" where they take the poison back home to their nest, so that takes time, and who knows how many queens there are in the area. Anyway, with the dogs and Belle, I didn't really want to spray a chemical. So, I looked up "Natural Ant Repellant" using what other search engine than my "Need it all, Find it all" Google. The results were: Basil (I have 2 of those plants outside, so that was covered), Garlic, Pepper, Cinnamon, and Mint. Other than the Basil, I used my knock-off Magic Bullet, and mixed all the options together with some water. I proceeded to sprinkle said mixture around the area outside. It smells like herbalists live here. I guess it's better than chemicals. I'm so granola. Damnit. I'll let you know how it works out.
I have to be better about losing weight. I saw a picture BFF took, and let me tell you, my arms looked like hams. I've been eating better (more whole wheat/whole grain, no pizza rolls, more salad, more fruits and veggies). It's just not enough. It's going to be hard with Belle, as far as working out, but I am going to have to work on portions, too. I need to drink a lot more water and Green tea. I want to wear a particular dress to the Ball in November, I really need to get this weight off. I know I can. I just have to begin.
I firmly believe (more and more daily, now that I am a Milspouse), that you need to put yourself in the shoes of others. It's a whole lot easier to see intent, when you do that. Something that may hurt you, or seem stupid, may not have been borne from feelings or intent to hurt. It breaks my heart when people take something I do in a way I don't intend. Even moreso when it has to do with something that I don't know about. I want to be someone that people can say "I know you didn't mean to upset me, but ________________, upsets me" I don't WANT to upset people. Especially those I care so ver much about. I want to make those people smile, and laugh. I want to be somebody that the people I am close with can share feelings with. I am not yet this person. I need to be this person.
I am an unhappy person. I don't know why it is so hard for me to enjoy life. I feel so out of place in my own life. I'm so angry all the time. Nobody cares about the same things I care about, maybe BFF. Honestly, I really need to stop asking Lovesband to do anything. He doesn't get things done within, what I consider, a reasonable time-frame. Then I just do these things myself, and he gets all pissed off. So, if I just skipped to doing it myself, it would solve this whole problem. Right now, I am focused on getting the diaper bag packed for tomorrow. I'm very tired, it's almost 0100, and Belle has yet to fall asleep. If Lovesband had taken the 2 minutes it takes to pack the diaper bag an hour ago, before he went to bed, I could be focused on sleeping. We are late ALL THE TIME. I would rather lose sleep than be late to Church. I am not a happy person when I am tired. I am actually VERY cranky when I am tired. I am tired.
Sometimes I picture myself with a very different life. I picture being looked at the way Lovesband looks at me when he gets back from the field, more often than when he gets back from the field. I picture going on walks like I did with BFF and Buddy. Just enjoying the walk. I'll have to upload photos, we had such a fun time walking around New Bern at night. It's beautiful, so quiet, and the walk, with no destination, no real reason, it was so amazing. I know Lovesband would have complained the entire time. Maybe that is what BFF is for. To enjoy things like that with.
Motor-T doesn't like me. Lovesband says it's mostly because they don't like the FRO. They don't like the FRO because, apparently they don't like their wives knowing things. They also dislike me because nobody was saying anything about someone who claimed to be sleeping with another Marine's wife, and I said something about it. So now they are afraid of me. Seriously? It's not like I'm going to tattle about everything, but some things (like sleeping with another Marine's wife) are a pretty big deal. I also don't understand why Marines get pissed off that the FRO is giving their wives information. It's the same information the Marines are given. This stuff is pretty discouraging. I'd like to help develop some sort of comraderie with the company. As far as I can tell, everyone mostly keeps to themselves. I don't know if it's because they choose to, or because they don't know where to start. We've been here 2 years, and I still hardly know anyone in the Company. I just feel unlikeable these days, and so socially awkward. I don't know if the Marines I talked to this morning were nice because they enjoyed talking to me, or because they felt they had to be. Someone get me some Xanax.
BFF is here!!!!! Okay, she's at the beginning of deployment, so she's in a heartwrenching place. It sucks. I haven't had much time with her in ages. Deployment is not fair! I want to treat her like a brand new puppy, I've missed her so! It's a bittersweet place to be. Happy to see her, and spend time with her, sad to know exactly how she feels, and loathe that such a feeling exists. Until you watch someone with 2 seabags, an ILBE pack, and your entire heart walk to a bus/plane/7 ton knowing that it's going to be for so long, in a dangerous place, with limited contact- you don't know how much your heart can ache, how everything feels off, anxiety, panic, depression. Ugh. I hope she knows how super stoked I am to have her here, and get to spend time with her :D She's awesomesauce.
I'm watching myself fall. I see my sanity flying by, and I am groping for something, anything. Lovesband, for the past few years, has been all I have. I've made attempts at friends, but it just doesn't work out. They're far away. They move away. They pull/push away. We've been here almost 2 years, and nobody wants to be my friend. Lovesband has Duty today, and I am stuck with Buddy. I hope he goes for a ride. I'd rather be here with 4 dogs alone. I had high hopes for cheering someone up today. Now, I have to try and cheer myself up. Using myself. Not that I was going to make everything better, but if you think about it all the time, and have no friends, it will consume you. Sometimes, to survive, you have to push it away. In suite, I am going to go about this in that manner. Today is a regular old Saturday by myself. And I don't miss BFF to tears.
You know what really pisses me off?
I'll tell you.
When the dishes are done wrong. Or when people take my clothes out of the dryer and put them somewhere random in a rumpled pile, or put that pile on top of the dirty clothes hamper.
I don't see where; putting the small spoons with the small spoons, the cookware with the cookware (and so on) is so hard?
Not looking at what comes out of the dishwasher and therefore putting disgusting things where the clean things go- or rather spinning in a circle and tossing them in whatever cupboard or drawer they land in.
How about when you tell people to STOP overloading the dishwasher?
"Nothing in here is really clean, even though it ran"
"That's probably because it was overloaded"
"Ok, I'm going to run it again, and put more stuff in it"
YES, that seems like the right idea!
ACTUAL conversation. I shit you not.
I mean, I have LITERALLY asked you to stop helping altogether.
I'd rather have no help at all, than end up with twice the work, and serious disappointment when I look in the drawer for the flippy-do thing that I use for flipping eggs and pancakes whose name escapes me, and it is STILL caked with Scrapple!
Then, I have to wash it, and my egg ends up overdone. Not that I am seriously particular, but it never hurts to have a good egg day.
Currently I am gulping coffee. I had the luxury of making that myself, sometimes Buddy ends up making it. 4 cups of water+ 4 scoops of grounds= $%(#%@&%^^")@^(%$&(#&%!!!!!!!!!
That is called a K Pot. K is BFF's Husband, and has an affinity for Starbucks coffee made at heart attack strength.
We are on day 2 without a shower, but I am going to shower before Lovesband gets home. I really am.
We have a lot of 'Gone' coming up, so this house needs to get clean so that it can function with 1 person living in a 3 bedroom 2.5 bathroom town home. We're getting there, and we actually (Lovesband and I) work well cleaning together. Buddy and I on the other hand...... It's stabtastic.
But these are some nice pictures from the Air Show at New River! AWESOME time!!!!!
Does your house recycle? How much does it really mean to you? Do you put what you can fit in the bin, and just throw the rest away, do you only recycle some things?
I am trying really hard to be better about recycling.
It's my dream to have 4 beautiful rubbermaid bins, each with their respective purpose, and image of such on the front. Paper, Plastic, Glass, Metal.
Seeing as that Lovesband of mine has been just awful about forgetting to take out the recycling, we look like garage hoarders of various recyclables.
Lovesband and Buddy have been pushing me to "Just throw it out" for weeks now.
I refuse. I've worked hard to make sure we do our part.
I think, seeing as I just told Lovesband I was going to do it myself, and threatened to take it all to the local recycling center, that he is now out there, grumpily figuring that damn mess out himself.
God Bless him and his grumpy, "get this shit taken care of", ass.
That, or the neighbor has the hose out, and Lovesband is just off cleaning something random.
Hm, we'll find out soon enough.
Have a good day, and you also. (hee hee....)
It was a lovely weekend with Lovesband. We went to the air show and had an awesome time! I touched a plane and helicopter for the very first time! I got a funnel cake, which is always a win!
He's been super affectionate, sweet, and we've done all sorts of things together this weekend!
I even got a basil plant!
You might not know it, but I have a deep obsession with basil. I could eat it on anything, or all by itself. We planted our tomato plants, weeded our garden, and watched No Strings Attached.
Shortly, we will watch The Green Hornet! yaaaay!
Most of this week will be spent cleaning the house (MUCH needed).
OH! Fun fact- to plant my daffodil I used an E-tool... Yeah, you know you're a Milspouse when...
I really hate that my blog is full of a lot of negativity, but it just seems to pop up.
I could be a hermit. It seems I meet very few awesome people with normal lives.
For the most part, people are either dependasaurasus, or are faking a "perfect marriage".
I think they equally nauseate me. "I need people to believe I have "Made it" in life, what will I do if everything falls apart?!" People would rather hate each other than go through a Divorce.
I'm trying to make a calender for the squadron events, and it is quite complicated. I may have to start over.
The Fro doesn't like the way it looks. I want it to be perfect. Ugh. It's not that she said she doesn't, she said "Can you send it to me in a format that I can edit?"
Yeah, if you have paintshop.
Belle had her Overdue 18mo appt.
My goodness. This child is 2'9"!!!!!!!
WOW! One day, I'll look up at her after she walks across a graduation stage.
She's surpassing all over her milestones!
We've also been looking into moving out in town. Lovesband is SO on the fence about it. It's really a good deal, but it not having a garage seems to be a kill point for him. Honestly, you can't find an apartment for the price of this 3br 2ba home with a huuuuuuuuge backyard. We were supposed to give an answer today. We are trying to save money, but Lovesband seems concerned about utilities. The math says we can save money.
Of course, that is moving everything we own AGAIN, which I did...oh... 8 mo ago. Then 6 mo before that. Then 6mo before that. THEN 6 MONTHS BEFORE THAT! Oh, and theeennnnnn.... wait for it..... 6-MONTHS-BEFORE-THAT!
Seriously. Honest to God. Moving every 2 years really wouldn't be so bad.
I know many a Milspouse talk about getting stir crazy. Can I? We don't even ever have time to get settled!
We still have boxes in the garage.
I know that you don't care in the least bit what I think about you.
I'm not bothered by that. You don't care what anybody says.
I guess it wouldn't be a problem if you were right about everything.
NEWSFLASH: You're not.
"Neither are you". I never said I was.
If you put yourself in a position where you could have lost your rank, it's not my fault.
I called to inform your command. If your command thought it was important enough where you could have lost rank, that is NOT my fault. Someone who means a lot to me cares about you. I'd rather you not be dead, if not solely on those grounds.
25 Marines who are part of 3/5 are dead.
Your unit does the same things.
There aren't a lot of things we can do to prevent these things happening.
One thing we CAN do is keep our mouths shut about troop movements, especially now.
The simple fact is- The chance of your unit coming back with as many Marines as it left with is slim.
I didn't do this to prove a point. I didn't do this to get you in trouble. This isn't about "Learning a Lesson"
It's about making sure as many Marines as possible make it back to their families.
Don't put your Wife in the middle, if you have something to say to me- Say it. Stand by your convictions.
I don't like you. Plain and simple. Luckily, you are my BFF's Husband. I'll treat you kindly, I'll laugh at your jokes, and I won't point out when you are talking straight out of your ass. My BFF means more than she might ever know to me. You mean more to her than your simple mind could ever comprehend. Therefore, your safety is one of my priorities.
It suck Grunt so ANGRY!
I don't really care. Be as angry as you want to be.
Better you're around to be angry than the alternative: not being around at all.