Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My Price For Freedom 1

I've had a pretty rough month. And I am glad to have overcome it. Sometimes things do not turn out the way you expect them to, but you really must remember; the cake may have landed frosting-side-down, but it will taste the same. Yeah, what I really mean is: just because a situation didn't turn out the way you planned, doesn't mean you can't salvage, and possibly flourish from it. All things are lessons.
I am very excited to be going home is about 20days. I don't EXACTLY know what 'home' looks like, but I DO know that, once I put all of our belongings in it, and once he is there to share it with me, it is going to be as 'home' as it gets. Without him by my side, every place feels strange. I feel strange. I feel that I haven't 'adapted' to being a 'single mom' (which is how us Military spouses end up during deployment). I have survived, and continue to, but it's a catastropic avalanche- constantly. I think a single Mom may have it easier in some ways (I could be way off base). I am constantly waiting for him, a man who WANTS to be home, who WANTS to change diapers, who is willing and excited to be an equal (if not more) parent. I don't know if not expecting anyone to come and help makes thriving on your own easier, knowing that there isn't a defined end to being a single parent.
This is my first deployment. I don't think I have met ANY spouse who likes deployment. Sure, it has its perks, but if you love your marine/soldier/airman/guardsmen ect. to stand by him through these times, then you also love them so deeply that you hate to watch them go *cue 'leaving on a jetplane'*. Deployment is torment.
On a political note, I am VERY thankful for those who sport flags, and yellow ribbons, and who pray for my Lovesband, and other service members and their families. I am glad that there are civilians out there who understand the cost that families like ours pay (and the life cost others pay). It helps. At least as far as I am concerned. No, you don't know what it is like, but you know that. You tell me you 'can't imagine what that must be like', and I am glad you don't ever have to. If the people who decided to go to war, were the people who actually had to go, or the families who had to watch them go; we would be more frugal.
Honestly, my almost 10 month-old daughter has no idea who her Daddy is. He left when she was 5months and 10days. She will be about 1year when he gets home. At this point, he will have been gone longer than she has been alive. This is the case for MANY families.
This is the price of freedom; Her terrified face, when all he wants to do is hug his little girl (who is his whole world).
I wish I could give him a welcome home with a baby who reaches up and squeals 'da-da!', but I can't.
That's okay. She is young, and he's an amazing father. Soon, she'll be his leg-leech, and not mine.
Military families adapt and overcome, we have to.
To those who understand, and those who know they don't- Thank You!
(by the way, That is my 'this deployment is exhausting' face)

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