Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Part of me can't wait for October 13th 2012. Sure, I've met some great people, but the distance between us and regular civilians is too wide a gap.  It's been almost 3 years, I can say I am good friends with 2 people in real life. One is an hour away, and the other is moving 2,800miles at the end of the month. Other than that, I don't know anybody. Maybe it's my fault. I try to be social, but people just seem to not want to know me. I say "let me know when is good for you!"
And they never let me know. I see them out and about doing things with other people. I can't help but be jealous. I am not jealous because they have a friend that is not me, I am jealous that they have what I want. Friendship.
Suzanne would have been perfect. Had she not been insane. She was a 22y/o BFing Mom. Her daughter a month younger than mine. We cooked together, went to panera. She was in a deployment almost over, I was about to enter one.
Alas, she lost her cookies. I knew she wasn't perfect, I knew she lied, I knew she suffered with anorexia, and borderline personality disorder, and I accepted all of that. We were friends for almost a year.
I knew I could always call Suzanne. She could always call me. I would always answer, or call RIGHT back.
I am just starting to feel closed off from the world.
Like they don't want me anymore.
I want a friend who knows that a favor is not an imposition, that they don't owe me anything in return but friendship.

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