Ant Repellant.

So, I put together some homemade ant repellant. We bought ant "traps" where they take the poison back home to their nest, so that takes time, and who knows how many queens there are in the area. Anyway, with the dogs and Belle, I didn't really want to spray a chemical. So, I looked up "Natural Ant Repellant" using what other search engine than my "Need it all, Find it all" Google. The results were: Basil (I have 2 of those plants outside, so that was covered), Garlic, Pepper, Cinnamon, and Mint. Other than the Basil, I used my knock-off Magic Bullet, and mixed all the options together with some water. I proceeded to sprinkle said mixture around the area outside.
It smells like herbalists live here. I guess it's better than chemicals.
I'm so granola. Damnit.
I'll let you know how it works out.

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Arm Pork.

I have to be better about losing weight. I saw a picture BFF took, and let me tell you, my arms looked like hams. I've been eating better (more whole wheat/whole grain, no pizza rolls, more salad, more fruits and veggies). It's just not enough. It's going to be hard with Belle, as far as working out, but I am going to have to work on portions, too. I need to drink a lot more water and Green tea.
I want to wear a particular dress to the Ball in November, I really need to get this weight off.
I know I can. I just have to begin.

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Tell Me.

I firmly believe (more and more daily, now that I am a Milspouse), that you need to put yourself in the shoes of others. It's a whole lot easier to see intent, when you do that.
Something that may hurt you, or seem stupid, may not have been borne from feelings or intent to hurt.
It breaks my heart when people take something I do in a way I don't intend. Even moreso when it has to do with something that I don't know about.
I want to be someone that people can say "I know you didn't mean to upset me, but ________________, upsets me"
I don't WANT to upset people. Especially those I care so ver much about. I want to make those people smile, and laugh.
I want to be somebody that the people I am close with can share feelings with.
I am not yet this person. I need to be this person.

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Chasing Pavement.

I am an unhappy person.
I don't know why it is so hard for me to enjoy life.
I feel so out of place in my own life.
I'm so angry all the time.
Nobody cares about the same things I care about, maybe BFF.
Honestly, I really need to stop asking Lovesband to do anything.
He doesn't get things done within, what I consider, a reasonable time-frame. Then I just do these things myself, and he gets all pissed off.
So, if I just skipped to doing it myself, it would solve this whole problem.
Right now, I am focused on getting the diaper bag packed for tomorrow. I'm very tired, it's almost 0100, and Belle has yet to fall asleep.
If Lovesband had taken the 2 minutes it takes to pack the diaper bag an hour ago, before he went to bed, I could be focused on sleeping.
We are late ALL THE TIME. I would rather lose sleep than be late to Church.
I am not a happy person when I am tired. I am actually VERY cranky when I am tired. I am tired.

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New Bern fun

Sometimes I picture myself with a very different life.
I picture being looked at the way Lovesband looks at me when he gets back from the field, more often than when he gets back from the field.
I picture going on walks like I did with BFF and Buddy. Just enjoying the walk. I'll have to upload photos, we had such a fun time walking around New Bern at night. It's beautiful, so quiet, and the walk, with no destination, no real reason, it was so amazing.
I know Lovesband would have complained the entire time.
Maybe that is what BFF is for. To enjoy things like that with.

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Aye, Ma'am

Motor-T doesn't like me. Lovesband says it's mostly because they don't like the FRO. They don't like the FRO because, apparently they don't like their wives knowing things. They also dislike me because nobody was saying anything about someone who claimed to be sleeping with another Marine's wife, and I said something about it. So now they are afraid of me.
Seriously?
It's not like I'm going to tattle about everything, but some things (like sleeping with another Marine's wife) are a pretty big deal.
I also don't understand why Marines get pissed off that the FRO is giving their wives information. It's the same information the Marines are given.
This stuff is pretty discouraging. I'd like to help develop some sort of comraderie with the company. As far as I can tell, everyone mostly keeps to themselves. I don't know if it's because they choose to, or because they don't know where to start.
We've been here 2 years, and I still hardly know anyone in the Company.
I just feel unlikeable these days, and so socially awkward.
I don't know if the Marines I talked to this morning were nice because they enjoyed talking to me, or because they felt they had to be.
Someone get me some Xanax.

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I ate Ice Cream before bed.

BFF is here!!!!! Okay, she's at the beginning of deployment, so she's in a heartwrenching place. It sucks.
I haven't had much time with her in ages.
Deployment is not fair!
I want to treat her like a brand new puppy, I've missed her so!
It's a bittersweet place to be.
Happy to see her, and spend time with her, sad to know exactly how she feels, and loathe that such a feeling exists.
Until you watch someone with 2 seabags, an ILBE pack, and your entire heart walk to a bus/plane/7 ton knowing that it's going to be for so long, in a dangerous place, with limited contact- you don't know how much your heart can ache, how everything feels off, anxiety, panic, depression. Ugh.
I hope she knows how super stoked I am to have her here, and get to spend time with her :D
She's awesomesauce.

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