Saturday, February 19, 2011


I remember when my relationship with my Mom was really bad.
We were generally the best of friends. We enjoy many of the same things, we enjoy eachothers company, and we have the same sense of humor.
The only times that really made it hard, were the times when my Dad came between us.
I remember the moment I began to hate him.
The moment when all the lies surfaced.
I remember her taking him back. Over and over and over again.
He never changed.
It's not a complex story. She loved him, thought she needed him, thought that he was as good as it was ever going to get.
In my life, I had never seen her so broken down. So angry, so sad, so frail and helpless.
I did not know this woman. This was NOT my Mom! She is an INVINCIBLE woman! I don't know who this weak, shell of a woman, cowering in fear... I don't know that woman.
I couldn't look at her the same. I couldn't talk to her. She hid things from me, knowing it would upset me.
She never hid when she was mad at him. She only hid bringing him back, or forgiving him.
Because she knew. She knew that I was not blinded to the truth we both knew.
He would never treat her right.
My Mom raised us with a drunk for a Husband.
A boy who thought he was a man.
Someone who commanded respect with the tantrums of a child.
I hated him.
Gall burned my throat, just being in the same room as him.
17 years. The last two she spent supporting him as he sat around the house, doing nothing. Not working, not cleaning.
Hiding his drinking.
Sitting around, spending her hard earned money on drugs and alcohol. Never starting and scraping her car off on a cold winters morning. No kids to tend to.
Having RA that he refused to believe bothered her.
Treating her like shit everyday.
A woman who made money, owned her OWN home, her OWN car, was controlled by a man who claimed to love her.

Love is not a Disney fairy tale.
But it has fairy tale moments.

Watching her in those moments, it reminds me of how strong a woman should be. And a man should be just as strong. Her equal.
I have the relationship my Mom always wanted.
No, not perfect. Yes, sometimes we argue. But he is my very best friend.
No man should ever control a woman. And he should never want to.
I never saw love in that relationship. All I saw were two people who would rather hate eachother than be alone.

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